Will I Ever Find Love?

I do wonder this from time to time if I'll ever find love. I've never been in love or ever been in an official relationship. It's very confusing because I've experienced several of my firsts. First kiss. First time. I've only ever dated two guys in three years. However, they never were official. I've mentioned that my first experience with a guy ended up me being the other woman which was heart breaking for me because I wanted things to go to the next level but obviously they didn't because he tells me he doesn't want a relationship and then I found out via Facebook that he had a girlfriend for four years. It hurt because it wasn't really serious so it shouldn't have bothered me as much as it did, but it does bother you. Especially when someone tells you that they don't want a relationship with you it makes you wonder why not? This other guy was also nothing serious and had only seen him twice then lockdown happened which meant I couldn't see him for four months then I came back and saw him twice maybe three times than two weeks later I see him on Snapchat with another girl and it was clear that it was a more than friends kind of thing. 

As you can tell I've had pretty bad luck in the relationship department with the fact that I've never actually been on a physical date. I've been for one meal and had several takeaways plus watched movies in my bedroom but an actual date. Nope. Never. I've also never been official with anyone and I do always wonder why. Is it me? Am I the problem? It is a possibility. I'm a very socially awkward, shy person so perhaps that has been my downfall. I know they say it's what's on the inside that counts but the first impression someone makes of you is what you actually look like. They most likely will make a judgement from your appearance alone which sucks because obviously there's more to someone than what they look like yet in my 24 years of existing nobody has looked at me and thought I want her. Although I don't really know this because like me, they may have been too shy to tell me. To be fair it's a little creepy to go up to someone and say I want you as my future wife. That probably would put me right off. Yet they could have easily taken the time to get to know me, hang out with me. You do hear of these stories of friends becoming lovers. Then again with my lack of friends I didn't really have many options. I guess I hoped when I went to university, I might actually meet a guy. There was a guy in my first year who I had a crush on and there was a tiny moment where I thought perhaps something might happen, but nothing ever did. I feel like it might have been in my head. It wasn't until my third year my friends convinced me to start online dating which felt good and lead to my first experience with a guy but then as I mentioned didn't end well. 

Now here I am. Still single. Unsure if I will ever find love? It's not that easy to find it. Especially when you think you might have found it then it turns out to be one big lie four months later. I do blame myself because I just assume that I'm going to get heartbroken and when I do get my heartbroken it takes a while to recover. Not to brag but I feel like I would make a great girlfriend. I'm not that needy, I will give him space. I will let him play his video games and even join him. I would be caring; I have a lot date ideas which I think would be pretty amazing. I can cook. I'm not the fussiest of eaters. I won't steal his food or say I'm not hungry if we go out to eat because I do like eating so I will order my own food and pay for it. I'm a hugger and expect lots of hugs. I've been hurt several times and I wouldn't want him to be hurt. I would be loyal and be there for him. I would want the best for him and just be supportive. Plus I would love him so much. I have a lot of love to give. 

Sadly I don't have anyone to give it to yet. 

I guess I'll just have to wait and see. Maybe one day Mr Right will surprise me. 

Who knows? 

Anyway, that's all I have to really say. Maybe some of you can relate and if you're one of the lucky ones who are with someone then enjoy every minute of it and I wish you all the best. It's kind of a struggle to find love in a pandemic so I'm not getting my hopes up that I'll find someone soon but maybe in five years' time who knows where I'll be? 

Thank you for reading my blog and I'll be back again soon with another post for you. 

See you then. 

Megan x 

*This is not a sponsored post* 

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