The Single Life

Being single for so many years has its perks but also its downsides too. Being single for so long I do sometimes wonder what it would be like if I did have someone in my life I could be with. Yet, you realise you live on those what ifs because one you're not close to actually finding someone anytime soon but relying on your imaging on what the perfect relationship could be like may end up in disappointment if it actually happens. I've thought about this through my exes. I had a lot of high hopes for them, I hoped it would become something more. I thought if I was eager they might want me and I guess I was wrong.

 There was one guy I was seeing about two years ago. It was very spontaneous, instead of the man coming to me. I went to him. I know, there were a lot of red flags for doing this but I was feeling brave and he actually seemed decent. To be fair, he was really sweet. It felt natural talking to him. We just ended up going for a drive and talking. We then went back to his place and we watched a movie. I'm pretty sure it was Kung Fu Panda 2 as I told him I hadn't seen it before then I went home. It felt really natural and casual. No pressure to do anything and we could talk about different things. I remember we got onto the subject of happy meal toys and how they used to be so cool back in the day. Anyway, I had a good feeling but I tried not to get my hopes up as I didn't want to be disappointed but the few times I saw him, they felt good each time and I thought this is nice. 

Then all of a sudden, it just stopped. The communication just stopped. I tried getting in touch with him a few times but everytime I did, he would eventually leave me on read. Maybe I think too much into it, but I guess when the conversation is one sided then it's time to stop. I had officially been ghosted. 

Being ghosted really is the worst feeling because there's no explanation, no reason. Nothing. It makes you overthink like you did something wrong even though as far as you were aware, you left it on good terms. What changed? Well, I'll never really know the answer. It's not like I could go ask him. Remember me from two years ago? Why did you stop talking to me? That's if he even remembers me. That's the thing about exes, sometimes you pine after certain ones but then you realise they're probably not giving you two thoughts. Most of them have probably moved on. It's a hard life, the single life because you try to get out of it but each time, you're let down. I know in my case, it was never my choice to end it with my exes and I guess that is what hurts. Looking back, I know there are some I would definitely not go back for in a million years. I think I only have one that is very bittersweet for me and makes me wonder what if he never ghosted me? 

Oh well, we move on. I'm quite happy being single as I do enjoy my own company but I do sometimes miss the company of another. Maybe one day, the right one will come along. I doubt it will be anytime soon but maybe someday it will happen. 

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and I'll be back tomorrow with another post.

See you then. 

Megan x

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